To start this new blog, Life Patterns exist. They follow the same logic that Berne used to explain life scripts, but involve a simpler, more intuitive process. How? Patterns are everywhere, in our environment, in our biology and our relationships. The environment and biology have their own patterns that operate without us unless there is a catastrophic problem. We breathe in and out without thinking about it. The sun rises and sets without our help. Relationships are different. They operate and adapt to the environment and biology,but we believe that we create them differently.
This belief drives us to understand how to get along with others and have them get along with us. The basis for this understanding begins in early childhood. The trainer for this understanding is the caregiver. The interpreter of this experience is you. Your ability to escape the routine of your parents is what Robert Kegan talks about in The Evolving Self. Each of us is embedded in the environment, biology and in particular the relationships we are born to. The outcome is so predictable that that poor people stay poor, rich people stay rich, and there is a correlation between your surname and socioeconomic status.
Patterns become an unconscious process that demands you arrive at the same place in your life over and over despite the hatred you accumulate for it. This negative is an unhealthy Life Pattern. Patterns can be healthy, sometimes by accident and sometimes by design. It depends. Do you choose your ongoing behavior? Are you aware of what is needed in your life right now, or are you carrying out what you were trained to do. Once it is in place, a pattern is less trouble to suffer than to strategically replace.
Because of this practiced inertia, the pattern remains. It was determined as a successful way to negotiate stress at a younger age. It offered survival when options were limited because of development, opportunity, or ability. It remains because it was not clearly understood when it formed and it is no better understood now.
With understanding comes change.
This website is dedicated to explaining patterns so that change is available to anyone who wants it.